How long do you intend to be an Expat?

How long do you intend to be an Expat was the question put out to the community by my favourite blogger 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle. My gut answer would be: it's a mindset as much as it is a formal posting abroad.

Technically I have been an Expat all my life; my family left my native country when I was two. I grew up as a Third World Kid, only at the time I didn't know I belonged to either of these two groups. As a matter of fact I didn't fit in anywhere. All through childhood my two best friends were "misfits" just like me. I realise today "being different" is what we had in common and created a bond that still keeps us close after decades.

My parents didn't see themselves as Expats once they decided to settle in Switzerland, so we simply became foreigners calling Zürich our home surrounded by an enormous Anglo-saxon community.

It was only after I married and moved to Argentina that I started defining myself as an Expat... and this opened up a whole new universe. A world where you dare to step out of what is normal, simply because you don't always realize what is considered normal in your host country. Family and friends are far away which means you need to rely on yourself but this also gives you the freedom to explore and re-invent yourself time and time again depending of your destination.

Now THIS is where I found my fit! Thriving with every move and jumping head first into every new adventure, trailblazing making sure my family could keep up.

Being an Expat to me equals venturing out towards new boundaries, opening yourself up without giving yourself up, embracing changes and rising to challenges. It means pushing yourself that extra bit and making the effort to learn the language, meet the natives and explore the local culture.

You change with every expatriation just like your kids mature after every trip you take them on. Places impact you, people leave a mark, cultures influence your character and age shapes your attitude.

After 10 expatriations - in order to maintain an inquisitive spirit and always walk one step beyond my comfort zone - I have taken an active decision to remain an Expat for life even if it looks as though we are settling down in Paris.

After all an Expat is "a person who lives outside their native country" and although this might be the official definition, for me it's the philosophy that I am hooked on, mustering up the courage and determination to plunge into the unknown, knowing that sometimes it may be a bumpy ride but that the rewards will outweigh the hardship!

I have never been known to be able to resist a positive challenge!

The modern Third Culture Kid

Denizen is an online magazine and community dedicated to people who grew up in multiple countries, international school alumni, or Third Culture Kids (TCK). Third Culture Kids are the international nomads that possess the cross-cultural views and diverse experiences that are necessary in a ever-shrinking world.

Formally defined, TCKs are people who have spent a portion of their formative childhood years (0-18) in a culture different than their parents. TCKs are, quite literally, citizens of the world. They are hard to define and are made of an infinite amount of experiences.

Last August Denizen conducted an informal online survey of more than 200 Third Culture Kids. The majority of respondents were female, with the average age being 29. They were curious about the lives of the modern Third Culture Kid. They wanted to learn more about who these TCKs were, how often they’d moved, and how they had aged.

To the most frequently asked question “Where are you from?”, the easiest response is always “It’s complicated.”

Tips for moving with kids

Moving from one destination to another is not easy for us adults, imagine what effect it has on our kids. Make sure you involve them in the process.

Here are some helpful ideas that can help ensure a smooth and happy relocation:

1.) Before the move
Together with your child, learn about the new place you will be living and what to expect. Read books, look on the internet or contact the tourist board of your new country. It is very important for children to be able to say a proper goodbye to one place before arriving in another; in fact, many people feel that if you don’t say goodbye properly you’ll start off on the wrong foot in the next location.

2.) When you arrive
When arriving in a new country, be sure to help your child settle in quickly. Making friends is often the most pressing issue for a child. So be proactive and invite the neighbours’ kids over to play or arrange for a classmate to come over after school. Maintain strong ties to your home country. Keeping in contact with friends and family through letters, email and parcels or other items is a great idea. Preserve the festivals and special occasions you had back home – and share these things with your new host countrymen. Keep traditions in your own family alive by maintaining routines.

3.) Going back home or moving again
Make sure you keep items that represent your time in the country you are leaving, to remember it by. Keep photos, jot down memories, keep postcards and other information on what you visited and saw in your new country in a scrapbook. Look back at the places you have lived, including your home culture regularly. Ensure that you allow a time for sadness and sorrow, but with the happy expectations of a new adventure to come.

When returning back home to live, remember you and your child will have changed and grown in many ways. Be prepared for “reverse culture shock”, where your child may complain no one understands them and how they feel. You can help your child by being available for talks, remembering the places you’ve been and discussing your feelings about coming home.

Articles I like about Expat life on Pinterest

Pinterest is a beautiful tool to gather all your recipes, deco ideas, printable websites and favourite articles. When I come across an article about a subject I am passionate about I pin it on my designated "Articles I like ...." board. Check out the Expat articles I have collected over the past months: https://www.pinterest.com/expatwithkids/articles-i-like-expats/

Discover some facts on TCK here: https://www.pinterest.com/expatwithkids/tck/

Happy Sunday Reading

What’s a Cultural Iceberg?

The culture or cultures you grow up in affect your deepest attitudes and beliefs, giving you your sense of what’s good or right, what feels comfortable, what behavior is acceptable, and conversely what’s not. What other people see may be only those things “on the surface”—for example, the way you talk or act, what you eat and how you dress.

That’s why culture is often represented as an iceberg. Ten percent is the “surface culture” that shows above the water line and 90%, known as “deep culture, ” is hidden below.

The hidden part of the iceberg influences everything you do and yet you may not even realize it. Ask yourself, for example, “Does it feel right when things come in threes or fours?

The Rule of 3
If you are from western cultures, the threes probably have it:
- You get three wishes
- The third time’s the charm
- Favourite characters in fairy tales and songs come in threes—the three little pigs, the three blind mice
- Races start with “Get ready. Get set. Go!” Slogans are more memorable to westerners when they’re in threes: “Snap! Crackle! Pop!”

Comfort based on certain numbers is just one of countless ways that cultural heritage influences your approach to daily life. Look into the “deep culture” part of the cultural iceberg above and find some attitudes and beliefs you hold.

Are YOU an International school kid?

Over the past few weeks an article has been making its rounds on the net defining an International school kid. If you have moved around and lived in different countries, this will make you smile.

Just a few points before you click on the link:

- The best thing about being an International school kid is that you can honestly say you have friends from all around the world.

- When you arrive at an International school you enter with one accent…but you leave with about seven.

- Missing school to get your visa sorted was just as common as going to the doctor.

- When people ask you where you’re from, it’s sorta tricky to answer.

- When you talk to non-International school kids, you realise how ridiculous the stuff you got to do at school was… like the time you went to the Louvre aged 10 and hated it.

- Sometimes school would be cancelled for dramatic reasons like bombs threats and demonstrations.

- HOWEVER, nothing beat the feeling of finding a kid in school who spoke the same native language as you.

Click here

Third Culture Kids books

Third Culture Kids is one of the best books written about expatriate children. It defines what a third culture kid (TCK) is and discusses some of the problems and feelings they experience as well as the results of all the moving around!

Club Expat: A Teenager's Guide to Moving Overseas is written by two expat brothers who wrote the book while attending Yale. This book is the culmination of experiences of students all around the world and of broad consultations with dozens of experts in the field of international relocation.Check out what both kids and adults have to say about this resource on the Amazon.com comments page.

Expat Teens ‘Talk’: is a book aimed to support Expat Teens with the real life challenges they are confronted by as a result of having an transient, International life. Expat Teens worldwide were invited to write their stories, experiences, challenges, fears and issues as a result of their lifestyle and in response would receive solutions, advice and support from responding groups of Expat Peers, Expat Parents and Expat Professionals. In a nutshell, it is a supportive ‘self help’ book for Expat Teens.

Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child: The only thing you can be sure you can move around the world is your child's ability to increase his or her interpersonal skills. In today's global world, each of us is searching for effective tools that can help our children to thrive. Emotional Resilience for the Expat Child provides a step-by-step guide that is designed to increase a child's emotional vocabulary and emotional intelligence. Doing this will enable your child to achieve his or her fullest potential. The bond between an adult and child is key to the psychological health of the child. For the expatriate child, this bond is more vital than ever. This workbook has been created for you to use together and will provide the perfect place to connect for you and your family.

Home Keeps Moving: This tale follows Heidi and her missionary family on their many moves through the eyes of a Third Culture Kid (TCK) and the unique phenomena of having four very different home countries to relate to. It tells the true story of being catapulted from continent to continent constantly: leaving friends and starting all over again, her unquenchable search for a home and sense of belonging in this world.

Raising Global Nomads: Parenting Abroad in an On-Demand World gets 5 stars all the way. This book specifically for parents relocating with children really hits the mark with readers.

The Art of Coming Home by Craig Storti: Expecting that home will be the way it was when you left? Are you instead shocked to discover that both you and home have changed? The Art of Coming Home offers the solid advice you need to reduce the stress of the transition experience.

GenXpat: The Young Professional's Guide to Making a Successful Life Abroad by Margaret Malewski
Are you a young, mobile professional looking to start a life abroad? Then GenXpat, The Young Professional's Guide to Making a Successful Life Abroad is the guide for you!

31 Signs You're A Third Culture Kid

Over the past decade there has been more and more talk about TCK (Third Culture Kid). I am glad I can finally put a word/defintion to my syndrome. Here I was - all those years growing up in Zurich - thinking it was me, that I was the weird one.... just kidding, it was not that bad. Zurich was, is and always will be my home.

Today I came across this list of "31 Signs You're a Third Culture Kid". It is the best, funniest and truest list I have seen so far. I hope it makes you smile as much as it did me.

Happy reading:

Click here!
 

TCK identity dilemma

"Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was."
Jodi Picoult

Although TCKs tend to have a high level of cross-cultural awareness, they also have a concerning identity dilemma. TCKs live in a dichotomy of worlds. They identify with an abundance of cultures but yet they are unable to take full ownership of any. As they get older, questions such as ‘Who am I?’ and ‘Where is home?’ becoming increasingly difficult to answer. For a TCK, home is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

TCKs have little experience in domestic schools where peers do not fully appreciate their multicultural backgrounds. Often on repatriation to their ‘passport countries’, this can sometimes push them to the fringes of social groups where they are misunderstood or simply do not feel like they fit in. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it is common to find TCKs who possess a deep-rooted wanderlust.

Third Culture Kids are Third Culture Kids for life. When they can recognise their own TCK behaviours, feelings and identity traits they are more likely to realise that they do in fact share a common ground with others. TCKs of all ages can manage their cross-cultural awareness and unique multicultural identities and use them to their advantage rather than a restraint, throughout life.

So just remember, you are not the only one out there. There ARE people who feel just like you and know where you're coming from even though you yourself cannot explain where home is.

20 ways to answer the infamous "Where do you come from?" question

I have been asked sooooo many times where I come from? My accent(s!) can't be pinned to one country, I have more than one mother tongue and in my mind I am a Latina although I only have Nordic blood running through my veins.

Therefore - with a pinch of sense of humour - here are some answers to the infamous question: " Where are you from?"

- It's complicated
- Somewhere out there
- Do you want the long version or the short version?
- Pick a country—any country!
- Are you asking where I was born, where I grew up, where my parents are from, or what kind of passport I have?
- When I find out I’ll let you know
- Please don’t ask
- Um, it’s kind of hard to explain…
- Do you have enough time for this?
- Technically, I’m from…but my parents are from…but I grew up…and I do/don’t speak…but I like living…but technically I’m from…
- Are you sure you want to know?
- That’s a tough question.
- You know, I wish I knew
- Um, it depends
- I don’t know
- Well, all over the world really. Where are you from?
- Outer space.
- Why do you want to know? (shifty eyes)
- Here.
- My heart is Italian

Common behavioural characteristics of TCKs

Following yesterday's post about Third Culture Kids and upon request you'll find some more info about TCK's.

TCKs have an innate open-mindedness and cross-cultural awareness that significantly helps them to cope with their unique cultural make-up and use it to their advantage. They usually come from globally mobile groups such as expatriate communities, the military, governmental bodies or missionaries.

When parents decide to accept an international assignment they must consider the long-term impact that exposure to multiple cultures will have on their children. Unlike adults, children and teenagers can be more deeply affected by their experiences abroad. Why? Because, unlike their parents, they are in a natural process of developing their identity.  Exposure to multiple cultures at an early age means that each new experience will be embedded in their identities for life. This is a key characteristic of TCKs and a massively potential tool for their future professional lives.

The TCK community is vast. Every TCK possesses a unique multicultural identity but they are all able to lay claim to a common TCK identity. Common behavioural characteristics of TCKs might include the ability to:

- Build cultural bridges easily
- Integrate well into new surroundings
- Adapt well to unfamiliar situations
- Pick up new languages with ease
- Adopt an open-minded and flexible approach with others
- Demonstrate maturity at an earlier age than their non-TCK peers

TCK resolutions

Welcome back and Happy New Year to all my readers.

To kick-start 2013 I decided to post 7 questions rather than a bunch of resolutions. The questions do not have answers attached because they are open to any interpretation or reply. There is no right or wrong answer in this game. Just be yourself ... that is what really counts!

What do Yoko Ono, Carlos Fuente and Barack Obama all have in common? A shared cultural identity based on similar upbringings: they are Third Culture Kids.

Third Culture Kids spend their developmental years in a fusion of multiple cultures, typically growing up in countries different from their parents’ "passport country". Children growing up in this fusion of cultures exhibit elements of their parents’ cultural background as well as facets of their immediate cultural surroundings, thereby creating their own "third culture".

Here a seven things every TCK should know:

1. How do I learn to recognize and develop fully the gifts I received from this TCK experience?
2. How can I make and maintain friendships with non-TCKs and TCKs?
3. How do I sort out who I am and where I belong when I can’t get past the feeling of belonging “everywhere and nowhere?”
4. How do I deal with the grief I still feel from long ago losses of country and friends?
5. How do I stop restlessness, and the cycles of separation and loss I continue to create for myself because I can’t seem to stay in one place more than 2-3 years?
6. How can I not forget and lose my past while moving towards the future?
7. How do I deal with the loneliness I sometimes feel, even when others are around?

4 common attributes of TCK

Children who grow up overseas, whose parents' careers keep them abroad for most, or all of their formative years, are called - Third Culture Kids.

Studies show that these kids mature faster, are more independent and introspective, more sophisticated and cosmopolitan, and far more knowledgeable about the world than their compatriots from their country of birth.

There are 4 common themes that give these kids an edge or advantage in today's world.

Change - They know how to cope with high change, because of the constant change of location, friends, schools and cultural experiences they have been exposed to. They are in a continual process of adapting and relating the culture(s) they are coming from, with the new cultures they are entering every few years.

Relationships - Before the introduction of social networking, they learned to make friends quickly, and also to let them go just as quickly, because of the many relocations they went through.

However this traumatic aspect is becoming a thing of the past, with the trend to social networking sites like FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, and Skype that allow them to maintain close, day-to-day communications no matter where they are in the world. These kids are now able to keep a network of close friendships even though they are not in physical proximity.

This is a global revolution that is sure to have implications professionally, as they become adults and move into the work world. Hopefully, it will also influence the future of world affairs in a positive way. It's interesting to note that President Barack Obama was a TCK.

WorldView - They see the commonality between cultures, viewing themselves first as humans, in a Global World, rather than being connected to any particular culture. Because they have friends all over the world, they have compassion, empathy and concern for people who live in other parts of the world, whose culture they have known personally.

They understand that one can hold a personal truth, and still acknowledge the existence of other truths being held in other cultures, without necessarily being impelled to change the views of others to conform with one's own worldview.

Cultural Identity - As a consequence of their global living experiences, they are not attached to any particular culture. Third Culture Kids can feel at home anywhere on the planet. They also have the capacity to select and integrate aspects from many different cultures that they have experienced. This gives them a strong cultural openness and understanding that is beyond the grasp of mono-cultural children.

They do not feel separate or isolated, as they move around the planet. They carry an inner confidence that if necessary, they could survive anywhere. They are truly 'Inhabitants of the World' - Global Citizens who can take a job in any culture, and fit in.